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Xena Would Be Wonderful

(This  Stripped column originally appeared in the August 28-September 3, 1997 Long Island Voice. Click on the artwork for a larger image.)

by Beth Hannan Rimmels

'NUFF SAID:

"There's a right and a wrong way to use every new technology. Even a hammer can be used to build a house or crush a skull."

— Batman in Batman #538, "Darkest Night of the Man-Bat, Part Three : Redemption"

OK, I played the "who would I cast in a comic book-based movie" game when Batman and Robin came out. Since then, other people have chimed in with their suggestions — though not nearly as many as I thought. Come on, folks, talk to me. Let your imagination run wild. Any comic book character is up for grabs as is any living actor or actress. Some explanation as to why you think that person is perfect would help. For that matter, I’d like to hear your nominations for the next comic book that should be made into a movie. Just this summer we’ve had four (Batman and Robin, Men in Black, Spawn and Steel, if you weren’t paying attention), but that doesn’t necessarily mean that those were the best choices.

For instance, a rumor’s been floating around that Warner Bros. is considering a big screen version of Wonder Woman. I’ve got no problem with that. I adore Wonder Woman, always have. She’s the reason I like wide cuff-style bracelets, but that’s another story. Anyway, I think it would be about time for WW to get the same treatment as the big boys and when you’re talking about first-rank DC superheroes, doing WW next makes much more sense than anyone else in their stable of superheroes.

But, the other half to this rumor — the half that makes me want to scream and do some target shooting at Warner Bros’ film administrative offices — is the rumor that they’re considering Demi Moore for the project. Hello! OK, I’ll admit that I’ve never been a Demi Moore fan, and I go back to her Jackie Templeton/General Hospital days. She was good in A Few Good Men and Ghost, but considering the performances she’s done since then, I think the former was due to the script and director, and the latter, well, she mainly had to stand around a cry. Worse, she didn’t even have to change from happy to crying in a continuous scene. The camera would cut to her crying, which means glycerin tears could have easily been involved.

OK, so GI Jane isn’t as bad as everyone assumed. So? That doesn’t make her the next Sarah Bernhard (no, not Madonna’s comedienne friend, the great actress). I think she’d bring so much inappropriate baggage to the role that it would be totally distracting. Unfortunately, I can’t get anyone in the maze of public relations at Warner Bros. to confirm or deny this rumor, which is totally typical. WB is well known for "leaking" rumors as to what villains and actors will be in the next Batman movie, denying it like crazy and then doing just that. What a coincidence.

My suggestion for Wonder Woman is Lucy Lawless of Xena. She’s got the hair, eyes, body (it’s to die for and totally convincing when she throws guys around baseballs) and convincing attitude. Plus — pay attention Warner Bros. — a huge, international, built-in fan base that would not be alienated by her playing the world’s most famous Amazon. They’d eat it up. Those Xena-philes are virtually guaranteed to see it at least once even if it’s mediocre. Fans would get a credible Wonder Woman (unless the script totally sucked), Warner Bros. would make a profit unless it let costs get totally out of control, and Lawless would make a painless transition to the big screen. Everyone wins, which means it’s unlikely to ever happen.

But hell, I’m shameless. If you like the idea, write to: Chris Pula, Warner Bros., 4000 Warner Blvd., Burbank, CA 91552 and tell him you want a Wonder Woman movie with Lucy Lawless as the lead.

 

Column  1997 Long Island Voice. Wonder Woman art  1997 DC Comics. Xena photograph  1997 Studios USA/Renaissance Films/MCA-Universal.